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"Sexting" and cell phone use

* Parenting Clip - download a PDF
* Podcast - Here from a Warren County mom and her teenage daughter


One of the big decisions parents face as their children get older is whether or not to get them a cell phone. After all, if they have a cell phone, they can stay in touch with you and their friends, you can reach them when you need them and, besides, most kids have cell phones these days. Children may start asking for a cell phone by age 10 or even younger.

Before saying "yes" to your child’s wish for a cell phone, make sure you understand the risks. One of the greatest risks is "sexting," or sending text messages with pictures of children or teens, who are naked or engaged in sexual acts.

Greg Ramey, PhD, a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s and Dayton Daily News columnist, points to sexting as one of the greatest risks of preteen and teen cell phone use. "Kids this age are totally unaware that such pictures can constitute child pornography and can result in criminal prosecution and designation as a sexual predator," he says. This can result in emotional pain for the sender, the receiver and the child in the picture.

What should parents do?


If your child has a cell phone, have a conversation about sexting. If you’re not sure how to start or what is appropriate for your child’s age, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) offers the following tips.

Three tips for talking to kids about sexting

  1. Ask kids about the issue, even if sexting has not directly affected your community.
  2. Gauge your child’s understanding of sexting and offer an age-appropriate explanation.
    a. Younger children. If your child is not yet familiar with sexual activity, tell them that text messages should never contain pictures of kids or adults without their clothes on and kissing or touching in ways they have not seen before.
    b. Older children. Use the term "sexting" and give more specific information about sex acts they may know about.
    c. Teens. Be specific that sexting often involves pictures of a sexual nature and is considered pornography.
  3. Make sure kids of all ages understand that sexting is considered a crime in many jurisdictions. In all communities, there will be serious consequences if they sext, possibly involving the police, suspension from school and notes on their permanent record that could hurt their chances of getting into college or finding a job.

Should your child have a cell phone?

Dr. Ramey believes that preteens should not have their own cell phones, and if recent statistics are any indication, many parents disagree. Research shows that 40 percent of 8- to 12-year-olds have their own cell phones. That number is expected to increase to about 65 percent in the next three years.

Six points to consider before buying your child a cell phone

  1. Have your child pay part of the cost. Insist that your child complete regular chores to pay for the phone and be strong enough to end phone privileges if your child doesn’t comply with this expectation.
  2. Monitor text messages. Young children have no understanding of the risks of the electronic world and it’s your job to protect them. Tell your child that you will be regularly reviewing their text messages. Your child’s safety and security takes priority over their privacy.
  3. Place limits on phone and text messaging. A pleasant diversion can easily transform into an annoying habit and even an addiction for some people. Kids can become easily preoccupied with  the online world and withdraw from real life. Limit the number of minutes and text messages that can be used monthly.
  4. Discuss respect and etiquette. Talk about cyberbullying and gossiping with your kids. Dr. Ramey points out that by texting, it is too easy to share any fleeting thought or feeling. Things they would not say in person, they freely text to their friends. The text can be sent to others or used in ways that are harmful.
  5. Have an explicit discussion of sexting with your child. Phones and cameras are a dangerous combination for many preteens. Twenty percent of teenagers admitted electronically sending or posting nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves. If you feel your child is too young to learn about sexting, he or she is too young for a cell phone.
  6. Set privacy and safety rules. Kids should never give out their cell phone number or accept text messages from strangers. Most parents are unaware of the number of online “friends” their children have and the dangerous practice of sharing intimate feelings and personal information with total strangers.

It is important that we prepare our children for the new electronic world, but children should not be put into situations they cannot handle. There are many trusted online resources to help parents keep their children safe online, whether texting, posting information to Facebook or MySpace, or just surfing the internet. These are listed below and linked on our website at kohlsminutes.childrensdayton.org.

About our expert

Greg Ramey, PhD, is a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s and a Dayton Daily News columnist. His column FamilyWise is distributed through New York Times wire service. Dr. Ramey received his undergraduate degree from Lake Forest College, his master’s degree from Harvard University and his PhD in psychology from the University of Massachusetts. Since joining Dayton Children’s in 1979, Dr. Ramey has focused on issues regarding child sexual abuse, parent-child communication, divorce, and developmental and behavioral problems in young children. He has been quoted in national publications such as Ladies Home Journal, Parenting and Redbook.

Additional resources